


Alone Together

by LurkerNoLonger



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, Finn has a lot of feelings, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, POV Finn, Pining, Stood Up, bed sharing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 10:13:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19105033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LurkerNoLonger/pseuds/LurkerNoLonger
Summary: Rae gets stood up and Finn’s the one to find her. Again.





	Alone Together

**Author's Note:**

> I have this _thing_. This crack in my emotional armour for when someone becomes another someone’s “person”. You know, the one they go to for, well, everything. Sad, happy, excited – they want, and sometimes need, them to be the first to know. The first call. The confidant.
> 
> And of course, that crack becomes a chasm when and if those someones are Rae and Finn.
> 
> Originally posted to Tumblr April, 2018. Minor edits.

Finn ups the volume on his Walkman as he clomps down the pavement. It’s Saturday afternoon, which means the high street is bustling with people that he’d rather not have to hear. He’s grumpy, which is nothing new, but he can’t help but feel extra mardy as he heads to Town Records on his own.

This morning he’d rung Rae to see if she’d join him, but no one had answered even though he’d let it ring out. He’d then called round to the gang to not-so-subtly suss out if anyone knew where she was, but came up frustrated and none the wiser. Archie’s mum had told him he was at work, Chop and Izzy were on a date, and Chloe had asked him “ _why you looking for her anyway?_ ” so many times that he’d barely gotten out a “ _laters_ ” before hanging up.

After a pit stop at the offie for a pack, Finn leans on the brick to light up. He inhales deeply, trying to fight the niggling question of Rae’s whereabouts. _Maybe she’s running errands with her mum. Or at therapy. Or at the library. Could be anywhere doing anything, really. Anything with anyone_ , he thinks glumly.

He shakes his head at himself over the thought. They’ve been getting on so well lately. Phone calls and afternoons in each other’s rooms. Mix tapes and loaned CDs. Sitting side by side at the pub, hands hidden under the table, sharing secret messages and private laughs. They’re so well matched and it’s good. Really good, if he’s honest. But he’s greedy when it comes to Rae; knows they could be so much more than just good. He thinks about it all the time; when they’re with the gang, when they’re alone, when he’s alone. When he’s in class, or in bed, or in the bloody shower. It’s all he ever thinks about: how fucking brilliant they’d be. But then he imagines telling her about those thoughts and worries she might not think the same.

Finn tips his chin back to exhale and lightly hits his head against the wall to dislodge the thought. _Don’t rock the boat, Nelson. You’re finally getting somewhere with her._ He throws the butt of his smoke down and crosses the road towards the record shop. As he’s passing the cafe, he catches a flash of dark hair in his peripheral. As a reflex, his head swivels seeking out the owner.

His Rae-senses must be accurate because it actually is her. She’s sitting at a table alone, glancing at the clock above the counter as she worries her bottom lip. Even though he’s been looking for her all day, he feels the sudden urge to hide. Stepping away from the window, he puts his back to the building and tries to calm his racing heart. _What’s she doing here?_ He bites his lip and wonders if he should just leave her be, but immediately scoffs at himself. Since when has he ever wanted to walk away from Rae? Finn leans over to take a last sneaky peek at her through the glass before he goes inside, before he has to pretend he’s not completely checking her out. And that’s when he notices.

Rae’s not dressed in her usual band shirt and jeans. No, instead she’s wearing a dress. A soft seeming blue thing that looks good against her skin and would probably feel even better against his. Finn’s brows furrow and he steps back from the window again, the excited beat in his chest accelerating to a painful thump, because the last time Rae was all dressed up at the cafe she was waiting for a date that was never going to show.

Finn feels his chest constrict with a confusing mix of hurt and anger. He’d be gutted if she were on a date, but he would also curl up any twat dumb enough to stand her up. He lights another smoke, contemplating leaving again for both their sake, but he can’t get the face that Archie (and in a way he) had caused all those months ago out of his head. The thought of her big, sad eyes has him reaching for the door.

He wants to pretend she isn’t the reason he’s in there, maybe stop at the counter feigning interest in the menu, but his feet know him better and he’s already standing in front of her table for two. Rae looks up expectantly, but when she sees it’s him her face dims and he thinks he catches the end of an eye roll as she looks away.

“Rae! What you doing here?” Finn winces internally at the the false surprise in his voice and coughs to cover it up.

“Nothing. Just fancied a quick brew.” Rae’s eyes skip over his face, looking past him at the door.

“Oh…well, mind if I sit then?”

She doesn’t reply so Finn follows her gaze over his shoulder, checking to see if anyone is approaching. The entrance and the path outside are empty. He looks back at Rae, who’s eyes are intently focused on the table now. She’s biting her bottom lip again, hard enough that Finn worries she’ll draw blood. He clears his throat and pulls out the chair across from her, plopping down unceremoniously, the clunk and thud of his movements barely covering Rae’s scoff.

“I rung you earlier. You been here this whole time?” He doesn’t mean to sound accusatory but he can hear it in every syllable.

Rae shakes her head, letting out an annoyed huff. “No. Like I said, _quick_ brew.”

“Right.” Finn runs his tongue along his back teeth, frustrated at her attitude. She’s still looking anywhere but him, again glancing at the clock on the wall. Her expression has softened into something dejected though, so he decides to go down another route. “You uh…you look…nice.”

Rae looks down at herself, at the blue dress that looks even prettier on her up close. She sighs heavily before shaking her head again. “What, like Chloe?”

 _So she’s thinking of that day too_ , Finn thinks. “No. Like you. Nice.” She looks up then, somewhere near his shirt collar, and shifts in her seat, hands coming to rest on the table. Finn notices the tiny crescent indents on the pads of her fingers. He mirrors her lean, his forearms sliding across the tabletop so only the salt and pepper shakers separate their hands. “Look, Rae, are you on a da-” He’s cut off by a middle aged waitress sidling up to the table.

“Ah, so you’re the lad that’s been keeping her waiting, eh?” Rae balks at her statement, leaning fully away from Finn’s hands which instinctively reached to stop her retreating. He grabs the shakers instead to mask the movement. “Better have a good excuse for being nearly two hours late, young man!” The waitress adds, her voice reproachful yet cheery, as she pulls a notepad and pen from her apron pocket. _Two hours?_ Finn’s grip on the shakers tighten so hard he’s surprised the table isn’t covered in shards of salt and glass. “Go on then, what’ll you have?”

Finn looks to Rae. Her lips are pressed together in a firm line, her forehead thunderous. All her features are pointing at fury, but then her fingers come up to quickly swipe at a tear in the corner of her eye and he knows she’s only upset because her façade is cracking.

“Sorry, but could we just have a mo’?” Finn asks gently. The waitress glances between them worriedly before nodding and walking away. The following silence is suffocating and doesn’t help with the lump in Finn’s throat. He knows he needs to speak up, but he’s still choking on two hours. He puts the shakers down just to have something to do, finding his palms creased with their own angry indents from the metal caps, and he marvels at another similarity between them. “Rae…what’s she on about?”

Rae releases a humourless laugh, tipping her head back, both her hands swiping at tears now. “Isn’t it obvious, Finn?” He’s speechless again, mouth gaping lamely at her and it’s apparently the fuel she needs to build back her fortress of fury. “Right, I have to spell it out for you, do I? Not enough to relive it, need to hear me admit it too? Alright then, here’s your entertainment of the day! Doesn’t this all seem a bit familiar?” She spreads her arms out indicating the cafe around them, her voice increasing in volume with every word. “Come on, mate, you know how this goes! I get stood up and you get to witness it all. The empty chair, the stupid outfits, and the even stupider girl who’s always bloody waiting for someone who can’t be arsed to show up!!” A small sob seeps through her ire and she stands abruptly.

“Wait, Rae!” Finn reaches out to her but she moves out of his grasp.

“No! I am sick and tired of waiting! I’m going home.”

Finn watches her storm out, turning right towards her house. The other patrons and the wait staff are all gawking at him, probably thinking he’s a right proper prick, which pretty much sums up how he feels. He exits the cafe, standing momentarily at the door contemplating which way to go. Left to the record shop, right to go to his, or back across the street to the offie for a bottle of voddy. With a sigh, he heads right. Music, booze, and more importantly, his bed could all be found at home.

He makes it one building over when he feels it; his Rae-senses on high alert. He finds her tucked away in the shadows of the ally beside the chemist. She’s sitting with her legs against her chest, head buried in her knees, hair covering her face. He walks over to her, not bothering to lighten his heavy footfall. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and puts his back to the wall. She doesn’t look up but he knows she knows it’s him. _Maybe she has Finn-senses too_ , and the thought almost makes him smile until she’s turning her body away from him.

“God, Finn! Why can’t you just be like everyone else and leave me alone?”

“Because I’m not Archie, or some other arsehole.” Finn slides down the wall to sit next to her, shuffling close enough for their shoulders to touch. He’s not sure if it’s for her comfort or his. He waits until her breathing has slowed before speaking again. “Thought you was going home?”

Rae groans, rubbing her face roughly with her palms. “Can’t. Had it out with my mum. So now I’m ditched _and_ homeless. Reckon there’s a shelter for jilted orphans?”

Finn doesn’t laugh, but he’s relieved at her joking. This Rae he can handle. “Yeah I know a place. Bloke who runs it can really bend your ear, but they got good tunes and tea.” He stands, dusting off the back of his jeans and extends a hand towards her. “Come on, girl.”

\---

Surprisingly Rae had accepted his hand, but let go as soon as they were out of the ally. He led the way to his, occasionally having to stop to wait up for her. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought she was purposely falling a step or two behind. His dad was out, which seemed to make them both uncoil a bit, so Finn sent Rae straight to his room while he put the kettle on.

Two mugs in hand, he makes his way upstairs to find Rae lying wrong way across his bed. She shoots up as soon as she hears him enter, pulling her sleeves over her hands. “S'alright if you wanna lay down. Always thought Morrissey sounded better horizontal.”

He hands her a mug before busying himself at the record player, fiddling with the needle unnecessarily so she won’t see him cringe. _Sounds better horizontal? The fuck?! Might as well tell her it would sound better naked too, you twat._ He clears his throat and takes a sip of his tea before turning around to the most beautiful sight. Because Rae _is_ horizontal on his bed, and she doesn’t need to be naked for this to be the most exciting thing that’s ever happened in his room.

Finn places his mug beside hers on his bedside, and sits gingerly next to her, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He’s not sure what to do or say because Rae is in his bed, and all his fantasies are coming to life. An entire song plays before he allows himself to lie back too, his arm brushing hers on the way down. He bites the inside of his cheek, wondering how to break the heavy silence, or how to hold her hand without completely freaking her out. Finally he sits up, grabbing two pillows. He places one down for himself and turns to Rae with the other.

“Here, might be more comfy with this.” He motions to place it behind her and she lifts her head. As he’s pulling away, he notices her face is wet again and he pauses to wipe a tear track off her cheek with his thumb. The moment is so gentle and tender that Finn doesn’t realize he’s slowly inching closer until Rae clears her throat, breaking the spell.

“Thanks, Finn.” Her voice is soft, just above a whisper, but he feels it on his lips and licks them subconsciously.

“S’alright.” Finn moves away reluctantly, and lies back down, eyes on the ceiling. “So…who’s arse am I sticking a boot up?” Rae huffs a small laugh, but goes silent again. “…Rae? Who was your date with?” He turns his head to look at her and finds her crying again. _Shit, she really likes this guy._ Finn feels his stomach drop towards the bed, but knows now’s not the time to think about himself.

“It wasn’t a date,” Rae admits, squeezing her eyes shut against her tears.

Finn’s brows meet in confusion. “What? But then…who were you meetin'?”

Rae releases a big breath, crosses her hands over her stomach, hands forming fists around the cuffs of her sleeves. “My dad.”

 _Her dad?_ Rae’s dad that he’s never heard about because no one ever mentions him. Not her, not Linda, not Chloe. Finn shifts round to his side to look at her properly. “You never talk about him.”

“Nothing much to say, is there?” she bites back bitterly, swiping at her eyes. “Sorry,” she adds, shaking her head.

“Rae…you can talk to me, you know. Proper, like. I’m no good at speaking, but I can listen.”

Her head drops to the side and he sees her considering it, weighing how much she can trust him. Her face softens and he smiles knowing he’s passed whatever scrutiny she’s set against him. Rae exhales a shaky breath, and gives a small nod. She hesitates for a second, before turning fully onto her side.

They’re lying face to face now, so close it would be simple to reach out with a hand to hold her. Or with his lips to kiss her. The easiness of the thought spreads thickly in the small space between them, and he has to fist the blanket, bite his lip, to make sure he doesn’t actually do it.

“He’s been gone pretty much since I was born. Don’t know a thing about him ‘sides his name, really. And I remember less than that. For a long time I thought he lived in the Outer Hebrides, right? ‘Cause that’s what my mum said. Told me he was an ‘explorer’ who was busy seeing the world. Turns out he was just busy ignoring me.” She pauses to sniffle, wiping at her nose with her sleeve. Even now, walls crumbling, she still can’t look at him and her eyes stay focused on the duvet. “When I rowed with Mum she admitted it all. How he left us. How he’s lived in Stamford this whole time. Threw his address at me and told me to go live him him if I hated her so much. I was right pissed off at her…so I did. Knocked on his door and introduced myself like I was a chuffin’ salesman and not the daughter he abandoned 16 years ago. I asked him to talk but he made some excuse about work and told me we could meet today and well…you know how that went. It’s stupid. _I’m_ stupid.”

“No, Rae. You’re not stupid for hoping he’d care about you.”

“But I am! How thick can I be to think he’d give a shit now? He left a baby, Finn! If he didn’t care then, why would he care now? It’s my own fault. As usual!” Rae shakes her head angrily. “Sorry…I shouldn’t have…just, sorry. You don’t need to say anything.”

“My mum left too.”

Rae’s eyes find his fully for the first time that day and the way her tears have glossed them over is dangerously unnerving, because he thinks he’d find her beautiful in every mood.

She opens her mouth, then pauses. It’s just to take a breath but it feels meaningful, like maybe she’s starting to see their similarities too. “When?”

“I was just a kid. But old enough to remember her going.”

His confession is surprising, to her and himself, and he can feel Rae’s body tense next to him in response. Her mouth purses as if she wants to say something, maybe ask a million questions, but is unsure if she should.

“So…you get it then?”

“Yeah…yeah, I get it.”

Rae’s lips quirk to the side, but it’s more sad than anything. “I’m so sorry, Finn. Guess we have a lot more in common than music, ‘eh?”

“Yeah. You and me…we’re a right pair.” Finn whispers. He’s not sure why he’s being so quiet, so careful, but this moment feels too fragile for volume.

Her hand appears from under the duvet and for a second he thinks - hopes - she's going to touch him; smooth away the wrinkles and old wounds heavy on his chest. Instead she tucks it under her face, propping her head up a bit. Her cheek squishes and she’s so bloody cute that the pressure of his teeth on his lip only rivals the squeeze she has on his heart.

“You know, sometimes I wonder…” Her brows crease at the coming thought. Her whole face looks like it’s experiencing this overwhelming feeling, down to the wrinkles on her forehead and the lines on her lips that he hasn’t been able to look away from. He can tell whatever she’s about to say is paining her more than waiting alone in a cafe. But then, a steely resolve shades over, and her expression morphs to something resigned. “Why is it so easy for people to leave me?”

And suddenly her hurt is his too, because it’s exactly what he’d wailed into his father’s chest when his mum left, and what he’d cried into his pillow after his nan’s funeral. It’s such a loaded sentence, yet she says it so plainly, like it’s just a fact she’s learned in her short life. Like, “the sky is blue and people leave”, and he doesn’t understand because he basically never wants to be away from her. He’s always hanging on, prolonging their exchanges. His hopeful imagination making mountains out of moments.

Finn’s grip on the duvet turns white knuckled because he knows Rae’s strong for everyone else, but he just wants to be the one who’s strong for her; hold her together and make sure she knows he’d never leave. His urge to tell her somehow is abrupt, so without thinking his mouth opens.

“I won’t.” But when Rae’s big eyes grow wider he loses his nerve and stutters to correct his truth. “I mean…we – the gang…aren’t going anywhere, you know.”

He feels as daft as that sounded, but she smiles small and his mood lifts with the corners of her lips. It’s quiet for a while, just the music softly wafting above them, and he worries she can hear the contradicting rhythm in his chest.

Then her hand, still holding his hope, is on the move again. His eyes follow it’s path as it slides from the pillow, slowly slipping over the inches between them. He holds his breath, barely dares to blink, his body anticipating any possible placement of her hand. Just the thought of her touching him anywhere while they were in bed together threatens the breaking of a dam. Which one, he’s unsure. He’s been holding back so much from her emotionally and physically that one touch could send the waters flooding. Though he reckons he’d happily drown.

It’s as if time is travelling like golden syrup; thick and lagging and agonizingly unpredictable. Her fingers lift, curving, and in those slow seconds he tries to estimate what they’re about to mould to. His cheek? His neck? His longing? And then, like a scratch in the record, time returns to normal and she’s playing with the sleeve of his shirt. He exhales, unsure if he’s relieved or disappointed. He shifts almost imperceptibly, his bicep coming in contact with her knuckles.

Though the point of connection is small, he’s already overheating. Flood, fire, all the earthly elements raging inside him at once. When he looks to her face her eyes are aimed down, examining the fabric in her hand, but they’re shimmering in his lamp light, ethereal. He briefly wonders how that light would look cast against her bare skin. Wonders how it would illuminate her curves and dim her dips. He conjures what their shadows would look like thrown upon the wall. Imagines he wouldn’t be able to tell where she ends and he begins, which sounds about right whenever they’re together.

He shakes his head because all at once his feelings for this girl are otherworldly, and everything he thought he felt before has just been launched into outer space. Now she’s not just the only girl he wants in Stamford, she’s the only one in this universe and she’s lying right next to him.

Finn gives up holding back then. Just can’t help himself. Just a touch of his shirt and he’s admitting to being in love, for fucks sake. This girl unknowingly owns so much of him and he deserves something back. Needs to feel her too, somehow. He hesitates for half a beat before his fingers gently move through a lock of her hair that’s migrated to his pillow. It’s smooth and silky and slicks too easily against his grip, and he makes a silent promise to himself to never let her slip through his fingertips.

The record plays on but no other words have been exchanged. These tiny touches seemingly explaining everything.

_Thank you for being here._

_This felt good._

_This feels right._

_Don’t ever go._

Her fingers still and he looks down to see she has the cotton gripped tightly in her fist. Shifting back to her face, he sees her eyes have closed and she looks so soft and content and safe that he can’t help but bloom with pride. He gave her what she needed, and without even trying, she’d done the same for him.

Finn moves closer, wrapping her hair around his finger before he too drifts off, a smile on his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> That's it! The last of my fics moved over from Tumblr. Thank you so much for anyone new for reading, and if you've read these before and came back I appreciate you tenfold. I never had confidence in my writing, but the wonderful comments from my mutuals, tumblr anons, and everyone here on AO3 has reminded me that this is the kindest fandom ever.
> 
> Speaking of Tumblr, I haven't logged on in about a year. If you're here from there: Hi. I'm not sure if I'll be returning. I quite like the streamlined posting of AO3. It may not reach as many people, but it's also not the (very deep, very dark) rabbit hole that I so easily fall through. To those of you who have reached out, thank you so much!! And I promise, even if I never post anything else, I will reply to all your messages...eventually.
> 
> As an aside, in my time away I have actually been writing. I have a one shot that is basically ready, and the epilogue to the _Siren_ series nearly done as well. If I ever get the courage to complete, edit, and post them, I hope you enjoy those as well.
> 
> Lastly, thank you for all you kind reviews and kudos. You'll never really know what it means to me.


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